I gotta tell you a little something about yourselfĪh yes. Things start to go south right from the very beginning: Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby "Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.īut, here's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:Įverything about "Treasure" is retro. This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song. Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will think you're weird - but probably still make out with you. Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching. Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew). Here's why the song sounds romantic: Treasure, that is what you are
But, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars. Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be done before you can do anything else. One person cannot be anyone's be-all and end-all. "Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration. Sure, God may only know what you'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship - one that, by definition, might one day end - is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. Because the answer, apparently, is: "I'd be a corpse!"Īh well. There's a huge difference between saying: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."īut that's pretty much the gist here. "Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette." Photo by .īut there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear. There's nothing wrong with loving someone. Here's why it's actually really, really unromantic: Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing it wrong. If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to rethink the choices that got you to this point. If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over. Here's why it sounds romantic: I may not always love you Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas." Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is: 1.
And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life human relationships should work. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And 50 hours of community service later, you're still not back together. That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex's house? You did that because of a love song.